A Quick Practice In Holiday Intentionality
Let's pause to name a few things that face us as we enter into the hustle and bustle of end-of-year holidays:
Expectations - our own and others'
Obligations, events, and commitments
Extended family
Insta-perfect pressure
Environments that remember who we once were but not who we are today
Feeding people - always - but now feeding people large cuts of meat, massive amounts of sides, and pretty desserts
Busyness - parties, dinners, cookie exchanges, church services, service projects, shopping, cleaning... it's all ramped up
Big wishes and small budgets
Illness, weather issues, traffic - all slowing us down when we need it least
Traditions, special movies, and quiet moments all begging to be had
Making the magic
Teaching the Story
What else would you name that I haven't?
Why take a moment to list all of this out? Let me start with a fact: we all access our stress-coping behaviors when we feel pressure. If you know yourself, you're probably aware of what parts of your stress response you like and don't like. If you know enneagram, you're probably aware of what stress means when it comes to your type. The reality for all of us is that when we are under pressure, our brains and our bodies will adapt to help us get through it. So what can naming the pressures of the holiday do for you?
It can help put you back in the driver's seat of your stress response. Instead of reacting to stress, we can respond or choose not to respond at all. When we list out and name everything coming at us as 2022 wraps up, we can say with empathy “Oh man, this is a lot, no wonder I'm feeling stressed out." And then we can choose where we will expend our energy and where we will not.
One helpful mantra you can use during this holiday season is:
“I am not all the things, and that is enough."
You are not all the things, friend. You don't have to be the expert chef, baker, gift wrapper, career person, perfect parent, house-keeper, holiday decorator, card sender, churchgoer, volunteer extraordinaire. You can take a step back, revisit your personal values, and say with great contentment and confidence as you cross things from your list, “I am not all the things, and that is enough."
Once you name all the pressures and stressors of the season - you can name what matters. Choose where you will show up. Choose what earns the gift of your stress response and energy. Choose what's not worth it. State your non-negotiables and your fun bonuses. Prioritize events and people as you need. Assess how you're feeling regularly and make adjustments along the way. Remember it's ok to say “No." or even “Actually, things have changed and now I can't..." Choose what conversations are worth your input and which ones you'll pass by. Instead of being guilted into one more donation or service project, show up and support in a way that fits your values and family in this season. Remember that bigger and more expensive isn't always better.
While you're making intentional choices, don't forget to be authentically present. Share the blurry pictures on Instagram instead of missing the moment as you're staging the perfect shot. Laugh when you burn the rolls or make a dry turkey. Celebrate the beauty of important people in your life together in one room. Call the people you miss, even if you're not sure if it's a good time. Build and smash the gingerbread house. Feel the crispness of the cool air on your cheeks when you walk outside and remember that right here and now you're alive and experiencing the wild and wonderful gift of shared human experience.
Most of all, let go of the notion that you have to prove anything to anyone - even yourself - this holiday season. Embrace the fact that you are not all the things, and that is exactly and wonderfully enough.
I’ve got a little freebie to help you put these words into a solid practice in your own life. Take half an hour soon to print out this page and make 4 quick lists that will keep you centered this holiday season and keep you in the driver’s seat of your stress response. This is one more way you’re cultivating Compassionate Confidence, way to go!
