When fear decides your vote
About this time last year we got a Costco membership (finally). If you’re a Costco loyalist then you know that the spooky Halloween stuff graces the warehouse floors in late summer. Giant skeletons, werewolves, and grim reapers stand tall, light up, and make menacing noises.
My younger son was about to be 3 this time last year, and those Halloween decorations made Costco almost unbearable for him. Through our entire trip his eyebrows stayed miles high and his $1.50 hot dog was left mostly uneaten. He was so fixated on fear he would abandon lunch.
This little anecdote has been on my mind quite a bit this summer. As an American and a person who tends to be more attuned to other people’s moods than my own, I can feel it everywhere right now – fear.
After all, it’s a big year politically, our once-every-four-year presidential election seemed to ramp up faster than ever. A lot seems to be at stake - on all sides. We’re so deep in our echo chambers that it can feel hard to see that the sky is blue and birds still fly along every day. And our leaders know it.
Fear, anger, and anxiety are powerful motivators for behavioral change and tend to see some of the highest returns on investment. Advertisers and marketers have known this for years. And since political campaigns are essentially one ginormous marketing effort, exploiting the fears of the American people can become quite lucrative both in cash money and votes.
Did that last paragraph make you feel icky? I felt icky writing it, honestly. But unfortunately, it’s the very truth.
Here’s a question - do you really want your exploited fear to be what decides your vote? Because the chances are, it will be.
Last year I read Aundi Kolber’s book Try Softer and she talked quite a bit about our fight, flight, fawn, and freeze responses as humans. Turns out when we walk around in a state of heightened fear, we are operating from more of a fragmented brain state. We are unable to connect to our highest reasoning where our sense of meaning, values, and belovedness exists. Instead, we operate mostly from our primal instincts of “Am I safe? How can I get to safety quickly and easily? Who is going to save me?”
Let me ask you another question - do you think any of our political issues in America come with a quick fix? Yeah, not so much. When millions of people from different backgrounds, facing different issues, with different beliefs, and heck even different food tolerances are all in the mix there is no quick solution or single savior to take us to paradise. The solutions we need will be as complex as the problems we face and will require a diverse group of leaders and compromises to get us there.
So, why do politicians (and lots of businesses) want us to make choices from a state of mental disjointed-ness? Why do they act like the fate of the nation lies only in their two hands? Why do they act like all we’ve been missing was their shot at the highest national office? I’ll let you come to your own conclusions, but before you lay all the blame on the people across the aisle from you know this – both sides use these tactics, period.
The question now becomes, do you want to vote from a place of fear, anxiety, or rage? Or would you like to vote from a place of love, conviction, and wholeness?
This year I was dreading the return of the Halloween decor at Costco on behalf of my tiny guy. I clearly remembered his terrified little face and cries of “Mom, the scary thing!” The first time I went and saw that Halloween had made its entrance, I was there with only my oldest. He was excited to get an up-close look at the decorations and it was one of the first things we did. We were back a couple of weeks later, this time with my younger son too. My oldest said, “Isaac, you’ve got to see these weird Halloween decorations, one of them is named Frank.” Thanks to the assured excitement of his older brother, we walked right up to them and had a close look. The “scary things” lost the power over him when he got up close and gave their jolty moves and awkward plastic pieces a focused look.
Our fears need the same treatment, but as adults, we feel above this sort of behavior. It’s less culturally appropriate for an adult to walk around afraid, so we pretend we’re not afraid. Sometimes we are so dang good at pretending, that we convince our very selves we’re not afraid. But the truth is, we all are and it’s better to get real about it.
Many of my most significant coaching breakthroughs with clients come when they realize how their fears have been operating in the background controlling their actions, emotions, and perceptions. Once they see how their fear is subtly manifesting in their daily lives, they have been able to make small changes that allow them to make choices from a more grounded place.
Have you ever played any of the Mario games on Nintendo? Ya know the ghost characters, Boo? They can hurt you and will chase you when you’re not facing them. But when you turn your little Mario to face Boo, he freezes and you can carry on with your mission. This is exactly what enneagram knowledge does for you - it freezes your fear so you can examine it, see where it’s fake, see where its movements are jolty and awkward, and see the very truth it’s clouded for so long.
I’m very excited to offer enneagram learning classes at an affordable price again this fall. We’ll dive deep into all of your core motivations - fear, desire, weakness, and longing so that you can understand how they have been driving in the background. You’ll also get to understand what role anger, status, and anxiety play in your decision-making as well as how to more thoughtfully engage with people who may not see life from your perspective.
Listen, you have two choices over the next few months as this 2024 election season rages on:
1) live life dysregulated and on edge and then ultimately cast your vote from this mental state, or
2) get honest, get grounded, and get real with yourself about what’s driving you so you can practice driving it instead.
Wholeness is available to you. Peace is available to you. Trust is available to you. And when you work to make these things a reality within your very self, you’ll bring it into your world as well. Because whole people make healthy communities, and healthy communities can change the world.
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