Faith like a butterfly.

Aug 30

I used to think faith was something to be grasped.

In fact, I've been in a lot of conversations committed to “putting handles" on a faith concept - bless it. It's from a good place that we want to make the concepts of a faith from an ancient origin easily applicable to our 21st-century lives. But I'm not sure grasping it should be the goal anymore.

Grasping a handle means you take control. It implies that you are the driver, steering and guiding the vehicle where you want it to go. Some of us are good drivers, some maybe not so good. There's a lot of room for failing at faith when you're the one driving.

Any of us who have been on the faith journey long enough knows this though - your faith journey is often not in your control.

When the illusion of control is broken and your faith goes off the rails, you feel totally disoriented. Maybe there are feelings of despair, shame, confusion, or anger. Some of us, like in the old cartoons, are wildly trying to stick the steering wheel back on to regain control while others of us are ready to set it all on fire and walk away.

I used to think this sort of thing wouldn't happen to me. I thought with enough education, Bible study, ministry experience, and apologetics I could avoid the big D doubts that characterize the earthquake-sized faith shifts - my car will stay on the road according to plan! Now I'm convinced these Doubts come for all of us in one way or another whether we are willing to admit when they arrive or not.

Instead of making faith seem graspable, I wish the Church would shift to teaching people how to interact with faith in a palms-up posture. I wish we could see our faith as something to be gently held - free to morph and change before our eyes. Faith held palms up can shift without feeling like a threat. It can become small, so small we barely notice its influence. Or it can grow and overflow in abundance from our cupped hands. Faith cradled softly in our open hands becomes a gift to receive and share instead of a tool to wield. Palms up faith is free from our frantic influence. We don't end up doing it right or wrong. We simply open ourselves up to receive, notice, and delight.

Have you ever caught a butterfly? You can't grasp or cup it, or you'll crush it. You simply hold your hands out and wait. And when that beautiful insect finally lands, your face lights up and you look for whoever is closest so they too can delight in the colorful creature resting in your palms. Sometimes life is a hot summer day in a parking lot and the butterfly is a total surprise. Other times life is an intentional trip to the enclosed butterfly garden and you wait expectantly for many butterflies to grace your hands. But what remains, no matter the setting, is the delight, the joy, and the acknowledgment of the gift you just received.

What if you saw your faith journey more like this? Something you pay attention to and delight in, not something you try and endlessly apply to your life according to the most correct directions? Would love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, generosity, faithfulness, and self-control increase? Would shame, frustration, and fear decrease?

This Sunday my pastor shared a single line a church tour guide whispered under her breath. She said, “God is beautiful and full of surprises." May we rest peacefully in the delightful surprises of God, palms up. When you can't explain how what you see fits into the rigid faith framework you've held on to for so long, may this truth of a surprising, lovely God comfort you and loosen your grip just a little bit more.

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