Common Experiences of Deconstruction - Part 1
Deconstruction is a buzzy word right now. Very hashtagable. But truthfully, the idea of deconstruction has been around way longer than the phrase itself. If you'd like a really wonderful overview of the history of faith deconstruction, check out this Substack article by Kristen LaValley.
Faith deconstruction is basically the process of examining what you believe instead of taking it all at face value. Which, quite honestly, is a good practice. Not practicing a posture of examining what you're told to believe is a straight shot to cult life, and we can all agree, cults = no good. So why is deconstruction both such a buzzword and so demonized right now?
There are a few factors at play:
1) Culturally, mainstream American evangelicalism has gotten mixed up in some harmful extracurriculars over the last few decades (or longer). A love affair with Trump, a bit of do-as-I-say-but-not-as-I-do leadership, and story after story of abuse coming to light have left millions of lifelong American church-goers baffled.
2) The American church is shrinking, and church leaders are freaking out about it. Right now, the idea of church is undergoing pressure. Thanks mostly to the internet, we are all shifting how we choose to consume information and form community - two of the main draws of the church over the last several decades. We can hear a sermon from anywhere, read our own commentaries, and access a bajillion and one books and podcasts easily which means that our Biblical learning isn't limited to our local pulpit. Inventions like Sign-Up Geniuses, GoFundMe, and Buy Nothing have generated the capacity to share needs and offer support - another longtime function of church communities. Americans are increasingly choosing to opt out of church which means churches are losing money, influence, and in some cases hope. One of the unhealthy reactions to this modern phenomenon is to demonize the people leaving and the element that's influencing them to do so. What many leaders have chosen to scapegoat is, you got it, deconstruction.
3) Finally, thanks to the ability to access and distribute information so easily online, people are encountering more diverse theology and teaching more easily than ever. The internet has also given voice to so many people who have found themselves abused or taken advantage of by religious institutions. Church-goers who would have been none-the-wiser 3 decades ago must now face the unholy realities that have been lurking amongst some of our largest and most influential institutions for decades.
This isn't an exhaustive or academic list by any means, but I bet many of you reading this can point to one of these three things as a catalyst for your own faith-untangling exercise.
Now that I've named a few things contributing to deconstruction's rise to fame, let's take some time to identify some common experiences of deconstruction.
The initial crisis.
This is usually deeply personal and unique for each person. Church hurt, political conflation, racism, sexism, homophobia, family splits, or even moving to a new place can be the catalyst to questioning everything you thought you knew. This stage feels stressful. Uncertainty reigns. Feeling overwhelmed comes on quickly. Feeling alone and wondering who you can trust will often show up here as well.
Who am I?
Growing up in a religious context deeply forms your identity. When you begin questioning the elements of your religious understanding, your identity is immediately part of the mix. Some of this identity confusion ends up being really good for you in the long run, but in the moment it's WILD.
Can I trust myself?
One of the most difficult parts of disentangling your faith is when you discover you now disagree with something you once deeply believed. For me, this was the role of women in the church. Baby Bonni felt sure that there was Biblical justification for limiting the influence of women in the church. Deconstructing Bonni discovered the historical ebbs and flows of this bit of theology and was STUNNED. Not only were my desires to lead and influence others not selfish and sinful but potentially the opposite! How could I trust myself to discern what's true when I was diluted for so long? Feeling a lack of trust in your own discernment is a very common experience in deconstruction.
Full-on panic.
In that liminal space where concepts and beliefs start to fall away and you've not built up anything new - you can end up pulling out the spiritual sledgehammer and doing some real damage. This early stage of letting things fall away is rightly terrifying. We want to rush through it and see ourselves on the other side ASAP. This is where bridge burning and jumping to a new kind of fundamentalism becomes a risk.
If you find yourself in one of these four categories and want a little support as you navigate this time, enneagram coaching is best for you.
Enneagram coaching with me focuses in on helping you meet the masterpiece of yourself. As you understand the unique motivations, traits, strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies of your personality, you'll find a framework for your identity outside of your faith crisis. I focus on helping you shed the identity of “sinner" and viewing yourself as a liability while building up your capacity for self-empathy and self-compassion. You'll learn about why that one thing is so terrifying to consider letting go. You'll understand how your natural strengths may have butted up against a cultural norm worth divesting from. You'll come to understand that fears and weakness are not sin nature to shed, but simply traits to understand about yourself.
Enneagram coaching is a wonderful support to a time of letting go and reevaluating. You won't be faced with new beliefs to integrate. You'll simply have a framework to discover your true self as other things fall away.
We're going to hit pause here for now because if I listed all the categories I've come up with, this article would be way too long. So I'll break it up for you (and for me), and we'll keep digging into some of what it feels like to deconstruct and reconstruct your faith.
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