When Getting Angry Makes A Difference
When I hit publish on my last article about outrage, I knew there would be more to say here. Mostly because so many people can paint anger with one broad brushstroke of “Nope” as they throw the baby out with the bathwater by lumping anger, offense, and outrage all together.
More honestly, anger isn’t inherently evil or even altogether bad for you. Anger is simply an emotion on the emotions chart. It’s one that we feel deep in our bellies, running hot across our foreheads, sending tremors through our fingers.
Anger is not the problem at all. In fact, anger - when properly synthesized - can become a great motivator for change in life, and history has proven this to be true more than once.
The problem is trapped anger. Anger that eats away at our guts and keeps our peripheral vision blurry moves quickly to outrage, anger’s unhelpful, overpowering shadow. Outrage needs this trapped, unsynthesized anger for fuel.
Let’s have a metaphor!
Anger is already often depicted as a fire, so I’ll go with that one. We’ll call healthy, synthesized anger a campfire and outrage a forest fire.
Both of these fires often originate in the same place - a camper’s patinated fire pit. A spark is lit and tended for at least a little while. But not every campfire burns down entire forests, so what’s the difference? The attention of the camper.
Healthy campfires are seen through from start to finish. The camper is there to spark the first flame. They tend to the growing fire and encourage its warmth. They pay attention to how quickly the tinder is consumed, they prod and blow at the growing blaze until the campfire sustains, providing warmth for the group.
This campfire is a life-giving source for all involved. Hot dogs, bananas, and marshmallows are roasted and eaten. Warmth is available to cold hands and feet. A gentle glow of light allows stories to be told with the accompaniment of facial expressions and full human connection.
A campfire is much like healthy anger at work, exposing dark corners and warming cold places.
What happens next makes all the difference.
When I would camp with my family as a kid, the fun of the fire would eventually fade and most of us would retreat to our camper or tent. My dad would be the one to stay behind with the smoldering embers to ensure that the fire stayed put until it was completely out.
Outrage is like a group of drunk campers who crash before the fire burns out. They don’t complete the process of dousing the embers and ensuring the ashes are cool. They fall asleep to the process of fire tending and then the wind blows.
This fresh burst of oxygen and lack of attention does what we have all seen ravage the western United States, it carries a small piece of firewood turned charcoal into the dry leaves of the forest. This small source of heat then catches and rages on.
Outrage depends on your neglect and your inner fracturing.
Anger untended morphs into a dangerous force of destruction whether we leave it at full blaze or smoldering ember.
Personally, anger is a tricky emotion for me to synthesize.
Thanks to my enneagram understanding, I’m aware of how anger motivates me and I’m aware of how asleep I am to my own motivations as a Type 9. Some of my healing has been to uncover the places of anger that I’ve tried to lock behind closed doors and to start tending to them.
When I do this, I find myself awake, refreshed, and acting from a place of conviction. When I don’t I’m exhausted, irritable, and aimless. To put it simply, I despise tending to my anger.
Our ability to be offended has an important place in our survival. Offense and anger are emotions asking for our attention and tending.
I notice in the current moment of Evangelical Christianity there are two camps - the holy outraged and the “turn the other cheek”ers. The former camp is ready to take up their sword for every moral cause - boycotting, yelling, and internet fighting until they crash. The latter camp may hold the same moral leanings, but seem to lack conviction. They smile, nod, and offer platitudes or red herrings that leave tensions unaddressed.
My last article addresses moving toward wholeness for the holy outraged, and in this one I’d like to challenge the “turn the other cheek”ers.
Turning the other cheek requires you to look your anger straight in the face. Being unoffendable means you never get to offer the other cheek because your first one wasn’t affected anyway.
My new pastor has now twice emphasized Jesus’ clearing of the temples and his framing has stuck with me in a powerful way.
Here’s what John 2 says, “13 It was nearly time for the Jewish Passover, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 14 He found in the temple those who were selling cattle, sheep, and doves, as well as those involved in exchanging currency sitting there. 15 He made a whip from ropes and chased them all out of the temple…”
Here is the progression my pastor has pointed out: Jesus went into the temple and saw what was going on. Based on the coming actions, we can assume that anger was an emotion he felt as he walked through the temple grounds the first time. Jesus then took time to find ropes and braid them together in a whip. Sitting with his anger, strategizing his next moves. After this, Jesus acted.
I cannot help but picture Jesus sitting with his anger as he braided together these ropes. Allowing the anger to move through his body and out of his fingers into this makeshift tool for change. Jesus synthesized his anger and then acted from a grounded place. His actions were not uncontrolled, and as a result, dangerous to other humans or his message. His choices were not random or misplaced. He acted from a place of grounded conviction and now we continue to tell this story centuries later.
Anger is not an unholy emotion. It is simply a communicator. If you’re like me, the work is to learn to not fear your own anger. If you’re different than me, the work may be to unseat your anger from the driver’s seat of your life and back into its proper place. Whatever your journey toward wholeness looks like, this remains universally true:
Your anger deserves your compassionate attention. As we learn to do this, we unlock our place in the arc of justice, healing, and communal wholeness.
Whole people make healthy communities. And healthy communities can change the world.
Your anger is part of your whole self, so let’s give it the tending it deserves.
Anger Exercise:
Let’s do a little tending. Get out a loose sheet of paper and choose a topic that you’ve noticed stirring up anger within you lately. On that paper either:
Write a letter to a person or group of people who may have caused your anger. Let them know how you truly feel. Share what’s raw. Let yourself cry. Use curse words. Do some harsh underlining. Once you’re done, read it back to yourself. Let yourself feel everything. After reading it back to yourself crumple it, rip it to shreds, or burn it (safely). Make space for some light exercise after you destroy the letter. Get your heart rate up a bit and let the anger complete its cycle through your body.
If you’re anger doesn’t involve specific people, make a bullet list of the items that have ignited your anger. Once you’ve listed out as much as you can, circle 3 items you feel most passionately about. Now identify 1 small action you can take to help rectify the anger you feel. Ideas might include: donating to non-profits or causes who share your viewpoint, writing advocacy letters, finding a volunteer opportunity to join and signing up, etc. Make your action choices and then do some light exercise! Get your heart rate up and allow the anger to complete its cycle through your body.
Do you appreciate Resources like this? Here’s How you can show your support.
Join My Email List
Buy Me Coffee
Buy Me Coffee
Send ☕️