Demonizing Empathy
When I established my business I immediately registered the tradename “Empathetic Enneagram” because 1) I love alliteration and 2) empathy is a deeply held value of mine.
If you are in the social media world much, you may have seen a viral tweet talking about the “sin of empathy” floating around in response to Bishop Budde’s plea for mercy in January. This is riding in on the heels of a different book published last year claiming that some empathy is toxic. These views are flowing from staunch Christian Nationalists who believe in the intermingling of their narrow beliefs and political power.
All of this talk has honest people who are trying to grow in their faith wondering if their kind regard for other humans will accidentally send them to hell.
Well I say, to hell with that.
Let’s define some terms, shall we?
Empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another. (From Merriam-Webster)
Empathy is an internal experience. Empathy is simply the mental and emotional act of walking a mile in someone else’s shoes.
Truthfully, empathy doesn’t always lead to action, but empathy does always precede compassion, which is inherently active. Action or not, empathy is always a good practice because if we can only live our lives trapped in our singular worldview, we’re going to end up being dangerous to the world around us. Here’s another definition for you…
Sociopathy: refers to a pattern of antisocial behaviors and attitudes, including manipulation, deceit, aggression, and a lack of empathy for others. Sociopaths may or may not break the law, but by exploiting and manipulating others, they violate the trust that the human enterprise runs on. (From Psychology Today, emphasis mine)
Are ya feeling the icks yet?
If you’ve not been exposed to the idea of the “Sin of Empathy” or “Toxic Empathy” yet, I’m sorry to be the one to take you here, but I think it’s important that you are aware of the dialog that will be driving some of the conversational undertones you may encounter in your church spaces this year.
Why? You need to guard yourselves from being manipulated in this sinister way, it is working to fracture you.
Making empathy into a scare tactic is a dehumanizing approach. It allows us to separate humanity into “mine and that.” It’s a slippery slope toward calling humans who were made in God’s image “vermin” and crowding them in camps designed for terrorists.
Your empathy is a portion of God-self that you reflect back into the world.
In Exodus 34, God describes themself for the first time to a human saying “God who is compassionate and merciful, very patient, full of great loyalty and faithfulness, showing great loyalty to a thousand generations, forgiving every kind of sin and rebellion, yet by no means clearing the guilty.” I first paid attention to this verse when I listened to this podcast series from The Bible Project and it totally changed my view of God.
I was raised in the same theology that fuels the Christian Nationalist ideology. One that views God as a retributive, angry God who can tolerate nothing less than perfection. A demanding God ready to strike you down or make you suffer your wrongs. A God who had to kill his son in order to even look your way.
This doesn’t sound the way God self-describes in Exodus does it? Or even the way Jesus embodied his divine nature when he walked the earth?
I won’t spoil the podcast series for you, but what you need to know about these verses is that God is much more concerned about being with us than punishing us. God is full of compassion, patience, loyal love, faithfulness, AND justice. Not retributive justice though, restorative justice.
What’s the difference?
Retributive justice focuses on punishing the offender.
Restorative justice focuses on uplifting and healing the marginalized. Restorative justice upholds shared values. Restorative justice repairs relationships. Restorative justice promotes mutual flourishing.
Punishing people is easy. Scapegoating is easy. Creating a boogeyman is easy.
Bringing about restorative justice is the act of peacemaking, the deep work of shalom (wholeness) embodied in mutual humility, repentance, and forgiveness.
I’m watching season 2 of Shrinking on AppleTV right now (skip the next 2 paragraphs to avoid spoilers), and in this season the main character’s daughter, Alice, finds herself face-to-face with the drunk driver who killed her mom in a car crash. At first Alice tries rage and retribution. She hurls curse words and actual curses at the man. She makes him small with her pain. And then, something shifts…
After the drunk driver offers a small, broken, feeble attempt at an apology while choking back excuses, Alice’s demeanor softens and the entire relationship changes. From here they embark on a restorative journey. Sure, the grief and complication is still present and her mom isn’t magically back from the dead, but peace is growing.
What brought about the change in heart for Alice, or for anyone who dares to embark on a journey of restorative justice? Empathy and compassion.
The God we serve is overflowing with empathy and compassion for us. God doesn’t wish our demise. God doesn’t despise our existence, even when we are despicable. God longs for our embodied wholeness to reflect God’s character - compassionate, patient, loyally loving, faithful, and engaged in peace-building justice.
Friends, over the next several months, maybe years, you will be told that your empathy and compassion are a liability. Don’t let it take root.
Your empathy practice communing with Divine God will lead you to convicted actions. Your convicted actions may and most likely will look different from mine. But our actions will matter.
Whole people make healthy communities.
And your empathy is part of what makes you whole. Your grounded ability to act compassionately will build the healthy communities we all need.
Your fierce commitment to honoring the humanity of every person no matter their nationality or rap sheet will help to usher in shalom, wholeness, peace – Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth now.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
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