Deconstructing toward Wholeness
There’s an inner process at work when you head down the road of faith deconstruction.
Something triggered dissonance in your very self and the brave will wander inward to see where the disturbance lies.
That journey inward reveals your mis-formation. Over the years you have shut down “parts of yourself for love, acceptance, and belonging” (from Keri Ladouceur’s talk at the 2024 PEC Gathering). You now open the doors to spaces within your being you had locked up tight only to discover that they seem not only ok but good. You wonder why you set these parts of yourself off limits. You grieve the time you’ve lost embodying these qualities. And then you begin the work of healing and rehabilitation toward wholeness once again.
The work of becoming whole and rediscovering these dormant parts can be difficult if you closed those doors years ago. It feels like a weird sensation to discover parts of your very self that feel foreign. And then there’s the struggle with trust - trusting yourself, your teachers, your beliefs, and God.
You ask questions of yourself like “Who put this here? Me? Culture? My parents? Trauma? Do I keep this or do I let it go? What was God’s role in all of this?”
All of this confusion of belief, behavior, and becoming feels like a swirl and you’re left wishing you had a map to decipher the inner chaos you feel.
For me and many other people who have braved the deconstruction journey, the enneagram was that map.
If you’ve worked with other personality systems you might feel like I’m trying to hand you a box instead of a map. I get that. Most personality systems focus on your behaviors, strengths, and weaknesses and leave very little room for nuance, self-discovery, or growth toward wholeness.
But the enneagram is different. It offers a peek into your motivations not just your behaviors. When you get familiar with your motivations, you can understand the whys beneath your behaviors. When you start to understand how you are protecting your motivations the best way you knew how at the time, you can extend yourself empathy and compassion as you move forward.
Self-compassion unlocks the pathway to genuine growth. Strong-arming yourself into a new way of being doesn’t work. (Hello all those years of setting my alarm just a little earlier to get the first thing in the morning quiet time in…)
What if instead of believing you were born broken, you could rest in the truth that you are a masterpiece? What if you could see your personality as an asset instead of a liability? What if you could believe that your weakness and stress behaviors aren’t sin nature, but just part of being human? What if you could see your unique pathway to growth as part of the process of becoming? What if you could believe that your connection to God might look different from the 3-step prescriptions you’ve heard from pulpits?
We are nuanced creatures. We may share a set of motivations with another person who shares our core type, but the particularities, experiences, and contexts that shape us make our spiritual journeys as unique as our very fingerprints.
As you wander the labyrinth of spirituality, deconstruction, and growth toward wholeness, I hope you can allow your enneagram knowledge to become the familiar signposts that give you hope in your direction. Or maybe it will warn you of dead ends, rough terrain, or moments of rest ahead. Most of all I hope it will allow you to see the beauty in who you are as your whole, healing self.
Since I started teaching enneagram as my profession, I’ve struggled with how to make enneagram learning accessible in a way that will sustain my business.
It’s been clear that in our economic climate, one-on-one coaching is a bit out of reach for so many of you.
And it’s been clear in our social and spiritual climate that so many of you (like me) are looking for comforting signposts and longing for the day you feel you can trust yourself and the wild mystery of God again.
This is why I’m very excited to begin rolling out pay-what-you-can live group classes that will walk you through a deep dive of your enneagram type with an emphasis on self-compassion and wholeness. Each class will meet for 7 weeks and we’ll walk through the following concepts together:
Week 1: Enneagram Basics + Class Intro
Week 2: Core Motivations + Wings
Week 3: Triads, Internal Message, & Relationships
Week 4: Paths + Levels of Development
Week 5: Stances, Communication & Conflict
Week 6: Subtypes + Embracing Your Weakness
Week 7: Growing in Wholeness + Next Steps
Why choose this type of learning?
It’s affordable. When I say pay-what-you-can, I genuinely mean it! While I can offer some totally free scholarships, I recommend considering what you can truly afford. Sometimes in order to motivate ourselves to do the work, we need to invest a bit of cash! (Why I have a lax workout routine in a nutshell, ya girl needs to buy a yoga class).
You’re going to get a lot of the same information you would get in my 7-week one-on-one coaching at a more affordable price PLUS you’ll get to hear from other people who share your core type during the class.
I’ll follow up each week with a few reflection questions that will move you from enneagram fun facts to enneagram practice.
Anyone who pays the full cost ($95) of the class will receive one FREE one-on-one coaching session where we can dig deep into whatever concepts or personal application you’d like.
These classes will stay SMALL. This gives you a chance to ask questions and have them answered. It also makes sharing your reflections doable and keeps the space feeling safe for everyone involved. I’ll cap classes at 20 participants.
You can see which types are open for registration by visiting this page. And everyone on my email list gets first dibs to registrations as they go live.
If you’re not seeing your type or a time that works for you yet, feel free to drop me a contact form with your type and time preferences! I’ll be rolling out new classes all the time so stay tuned.
“Bonni encourages growth while helping you remember that guilt and shame have no place it your self-evaluation. She helped me become more aware of why I do what I do, and empowered me to make decisions and take action for my good.” - Alane P.
“Bonni is so kind and peaceful. She made learning super easy with an approach that allows for growth without any condemnation.” - Hannah H.
“I gained a whole new perspective on how I think, and on those natural reactions that have been perplexing me for years.” - Heather W.
I believe God is for your wholeness.
I believe God created your full self and called it a masterpiece.
I believe God is bigger than the systems that break us.
I believe God will meet you in your strengths and smile.
I believe God will meet you in your weaknesses and smile. Because in your weakness, you’ll begin to see how we’re all connected in love.
I believe whole people make healthy communities. And those healthy communities, they’re going to change the world for the better.
Let’s walk together as we fight for our wholeness in a world that demands our dissociation.
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