It was 2019 and I had gotten back into regular counseling. The day's topic was the miscarriage I had recently experienced, and further processing of the sudden death of my cousin's husband a few months prior. I was choking back tears (because even in counseling then, I didn't feel permission to cry) and told her, "I just don't feel like I can really wade into these experiences because how on earth will I trust God's goodness when I do?"

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