I start out every new year with a birthday. Just 5 days into a new year, the number that defines my time here on earth goes up. Honestly, it doesn't really feel like the new year begins until after my birthday. I don't like to go back to work before then. I don't tend to try to start resolutions before then. I just give myself the birthday gift of an extra 5 days of rest and celebration.
I also tend to do a lot of reflecting on those days. Reflection - in a more honest sense, often ruminating, comes pretty naturally to me. I love the movie Inside Out because I can remember, in my own maturing, when my islands of personality fell and were rebuilt. And I take notice of my islands of personality crashing within me even today.
My 33rd year held a lot of crashing and rebuilding.
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It was 2019 and I had gotten back into regular counseling. The day's topic was the miscarriage I had recently experienced, and further processing of the sudden death of my cousin's husband a few months prior. I was choking back tears (because even in counseling then, I didn't feel permission to cry) and told her, "I just don't feel like I can really wade into these experiences because how on earth will I trust God's goodness when I do?"
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When we say “faith over fear” are we actually saying “my fear over your fear?” Today, I have genuinely been asking myself this question and others. Is my position truly faith-based, or fear-based? Have I ranked my fears into what’s most terrifying to me, helping me determine my course of action, or am I truly placing my faith in God? Also, is it ok to rank my fears to help make my choices?
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If you’re seeing this, chances are you were pointed to this site because I worked up the nerve to share it. And when I thought about people visiting a ghostly looking website with no new blog posts on it for nearly two years I thought I should maybe explain just a little, but also not too much…
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But here's what I'm not convinced is so great, and it's something we still idolize and aim for today. It's something we put our faith in, that we think will bring us peace. It's something that has tarnished the message of Jesus for centuries.
Jesus in the seat of cultural power.
Read MoreSo this is my question and where these two lessons combine for me right now: how do we balance the desires God has given us with contentment for what we have now in our hearts? How do we drive forward towards next and more while being completely satisfied in who God is now?
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